Dealing with Fetish Dress Codes

I am a Dom and have been enjoying the lifestyle on and off for the last 17 years or so.  Wish I can say that I have taken part in events over the years but something always prevented me (more so the wife). I am a widow now of a few years, and have have gotten back in the swing of things which I have missed so much.

I have decided to start getting in to a few of the events, and munches when I can. I guess my question is: What is the straight Dom wearing these days to a standard event?. I understand certain fetish events require certain ‘outfits’, but I am more so curious about less formal events..  Any kind of help can useful..

Thank you..

VibratoCongratulations Dwayne, on being able to enjoy the lifestyle.  A lot of people would like to do the same, but find it difficult, and that’s the first step.

VIBRATO in full camoflageDress codes for Fetish events can be confusing, intimidating, and hard to figure out.  (I have had my own frustrating experiences with dress codes, so I understand.)  For example, I have been going to events for over 20 years, and yet I was once refused entry to a local fetish night, for their military-themed night.  The online guidelines said “…camo pants alone will not be permitted. Must be accompanied with shirt, hat, boots, guns…etc”.  And I’d gained entrance to the same event with the exact same outfit two years prior to being sent away.
  • The best advice for working with Fetish events’ dress codes, is to try and dress as sexy as possible. PVC, rubber, leather, and lingerie work best.  
  • If you are not sure if your outfit meets the requirements, take a photo of your outfit and send it to the event promoter.  Get their confirmation and print a copy of it, so that you can show it to the staff at the door if there is a problem.  
  • If you are having trouble at the door, suggest removing your shirt.  

All of that being said, Fetish Nights may have dress codes, but munches, swingers’ parties, and play parties do not.
Again, check with the event organizer to be sure.  You can find tonnes of fun play events in your area on, and many of them will not require any specific attire.

BDSM play parties are all about flogging, spanking, violet wands, and a myriad of kinky fun – while having minimal to no dress code at all.  It sounds like these will work best for you – versus the “stand and model” fetish nights, where you have to dress all sexy (or be a human vibrator).
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6 thoughts on “Dealing with Fetish Dress Codes

    • We do not host events of any kind. However, you may want to refer to our Metro Vancouver events calendar for events if you live in the Greater Vancouver Area / Lower Fraser Valley.

  1. I’ve experienced this a lot myself and have chosen to not go to a lot of gatherings as “dress code strictly enforced” means “all men must dress in string vests and leather pants, or like subs”. Though most of the meets in Vancouver are more focused on fashion and exhibitionism, so I can see why an organiser will take a limiting approach.

    • Hi Jemue!

      There are different kinds of kinky events, that have different goals, and different focuses. Fetish events – all over the world – are all about how everyone looks, so if you’re ever going to one that calls itself a Fetish Night, Fetish Ball, or it simply has the word Fetish in the event name, then you are guaranteed to encounter the note “dress code strictly enforced”.
      Another reason for this rule, is that it protects everyone who attends. (A) It prevents creepers from walking in off the street when they see hot women in line wearing less (or sexier) clothing than at the other club(s) they were planning to creep that night. And (B) It protects the anonymity of those who need it. The less someone can ‘accidentally’ end up at a Fetish Night, the less likely you are to have an awkward encounter. Because if you suddenly see your boss, and you’re BOTH dressed to be there… well, you’re probably either both going to pretend it never happened, or maybe like each other a bit more.
      And then – finally – there is the inescapable fact that a night is only ever as sexy as the people attending it. So if people put more effort in, the end result is a sexier night for everyone who’s there. Less effort = less sexiness, and event promoters NEED their night to be sexy, or no one is coming back. They can only create the decorations, the dungeon space, and the music; the rest is up to the people who walk through the door.

      • I’ve been to a fair few over the last 20 years, so my comment wasn’t an ignorance of “why” dress codes exist, but an observation of what is acceptable for men – who don’t identify as subs – is strictly limited. My experience is much the same as the camo example above (even with the serious extents I’ve gone to for appropriate & sexy attire) , it’s typically an arbitrary choice by the people on the door opposed to supporting the dress code.

        I tend not to wear collars, lingerie nor leashes with leather hot pants myself …. though I’m usually “tolerated” when I turn up with one or two subs on leashes who are.

        • Hi Jemue,
          There was no assumption of ignorance on your part, only the desire to respond to the discussion in a way that could be helpful to any and all readers…. So – to continue on that vein:
          While it’s certainly easier to identify wardrobe for male subs/bottoms, there are looks that definitely communicate that you’re a Top/Dominant. Formal wear, for example, is typically welcome – so you can rock the James Bond/Cary Grant gentleman look. And the three big fetishes – leather, latex, & PVC – can all be put together into looks that will DEFINITELY draw the attention you desire, (albeit, leather and latex can be pretty pricey). As with many things, creativity is key to saving some money… and solving the dress code conundrum.
          As for door staff being problematic… well, you can end up dealing with some power trippers when it comes to door staff at clubs – fetish, or otherwise. All I can suggest is that you ask to speak to who’s in charge, and get that person to make the call. If you’ve met dress code, you should be allowed in the door, just like everybody else.
          For a more permanent solution, the best suggestion I can offer is this:
          The more staff you know (and know you), the less grief you get – (which is true for everything). So you could potentially invest a little time in getting to know some of them better. It might make the difference.

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